The 2020 Presidential Debate was difficult to watch. For me, it is complicated by the haunting wonder of what my kids learn and absorb from watching adults spew vitriol on television. They watch the News, how do I encourage effective communication when some of the most powerful men act shamelessly belligerent? We know kids emulate what they see. Here is a list of 25 things I hope they can unlearn, from what they saw.
I don't know how to fix the dangerous demeanors on TV, but I have Drawn The Conclusion: This is who I think we are and how I want our family to be.
1. ) We don't call people names. We recognize that people are whole beings, made up of positive and negative qualities, issues and strengths, helpful and unhelpful traits. Focusing on just one negative quality only shows a HUGE myopic limitation in our own personality.
2.) Even if we find the perfect insult, roasting rhyming name or clever dig, we rise above name calling every time. We Don't mock people, we don't pick on other people or their children. Mocking plants a seed of doubt, to show how bad someone else can be, but that is never our goal. We concentrate on being our best selves. Not taking time to put others down. That is not helpful, it is the most desperate way to make yourself look better, it is a false narrative. In our family we strive for authenticity and kindness.
3.) We build people up , however , we do not put them on a pedestal, no matter how incredible they seem. There isn't a lot of room to move on a pedestal, they will inevitably fall if they try to change or grow. And everyone will be disappointed by the fall. Nothing stays the same, we are in constant motion. We respect humans as humans, flaws and all. Think carefully who's name you want to wear on your tee-shirt knowing how human we are, the best shirt you can wear is your own.
4) We don't need to be right all the time.
5.) When we are wrong, we say we are wrong. If we try hard, we most certainly will get it wrong sometimes, when we are wrong we quickly own up to it, we take responsibility, we learn from it and problem solve for a stronger tomorrow.
6.) The best way to live unafraid is to do things that scare you.
7.) We celebrate the differences of all people, recognizing we are deep down all the same.
8.) We are not Better than any group of people, not a single group. We are not better than those who may be poorer or less educated or homeless or handicapped or criminal. We are not better than other countries or other races, heritages or colors. We are closest to god when we see ourselves in everyone.
9.) We always shake hands, bump elbows, nod or bow in acknowledgment of people. It is significant to share space with someone, we don't ignore this.
10.) We don't talk over people. We listen actively and respond thoughtfully.
11.) We all think we are right, every last one of us. We all act passionately from that belief. Have the awareness enough to know your right is not the only one.
12.) When people are unkind, they are acting out their own pain and traumas. Have the awareness to understand they are suffering and know it is not about you. Try to help if you can, and if you can not, then get out of the way, a toxic hurting person can be as dangerous as a runaway train.
13.) When people are unkind they are hurting. Healthy people do not need to hurt other people. We hold grace for those in pain.
14.) We are allies to the marginalized.
15.) People are more important than money.
16.) Women have a special power of knowing in them. They have burned at the stake because of it, and the connection with our bodies has gotten more and more lost. We have been subservient to men in the recent history of the world. Our power has been mocked and squashed and ridiculed, This power is threatening to men, who have a different type of power. The knowing is a communication with our own bodies, an ability to pick up barely perceptible nuances around us. It is psychic and spiritual and we are relearning it day by day. You will see this power in women as you grow. Nurture it. Ask about it, learn from their inner wisdom. Treat women like the magic goddesses they are and they will nurture and guide you towards your best self.
18.) We do not grab a woman by the pussy. We do not touch a woman without her consent. We don't buy affection and we don't buy silence. We don't manipulate, we try to understand our own needs and convey them clearly.
19.) We do not comment on womens bodies. We talk about ideas, emotions, things, plans, and projects. A womans body is none of your business until she invites you into her life and asks for your opinion.
20.) We are entitled to change our mind, and we should. Changing your mind is not a flaw. As we become more educated our thoughts should change, and if we know better, we do better. That is not Flip flopping , that is growth.
21.) We do not blame. It does not matter how we got here, blame is holding onto the past, that is not the direction we are going. All we have is now, in this moment and blame holds no relevance. We look around and move forward.
22.) We are able to laugh at ourselves and the comedy of errors that life sometimes presents to us.
24.) We are respectful of the rules of a place.
25.) We can not control other people or outcomes. We simply try hard. We ask questions. We do not threaten lawlessness. We use our words to come to agreements and compromises. We are creative and inventive. We have empathy for all living creatures, we recognize that we are all connected and we act accordingly.
Thank you Ed.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading!!❤️ Thinking of you girl!
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