THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD!

While the rest of the world is busy stuffing turkey and fighting over politics. I have been over here doing the real work, solving the real problems. Thanklessly and tirelessly I scribble in my journal from a lounging position in fluffy pajamas. Minutes. MINUTES, I tell you, have been spent mind to the grindstone. Thus I present to you the solution for my sons ankles.

In this easy 3 step process. 

We can revolutionize the problem that has been plaguing pants since the beginning of pants....Growth.

NORMALIZE THE LOOK

Phase one means normalizing the look of layered pants. This involves a full force media plunge. Movies, magazines, influencers, catwalks, red carpets and tv shows will be inundated with these stylized pants. Everywhere you look people in sliced pants will appear. 8-10 months in, the plain sad legged pants will begin to look ridiculous. The language on the street will change against the skinny leg, the boot leg will look bizarre to the eye. Straight pants will be associated with their last heyday in 2020 before the world changed "Yo, man, why your pants so naked!"...... "Look at Thalmus, his pants are so pandemic"!

Nobody wants to be stuck in 2020 pants. Nobody.

So a year passes. We see celebs kids grabbing ice cream in these strangely layered pants. All the famous tweens begin to wear them and the demand for sliced pants grows feverishly. Sliced pants are the new Tamagotchi!

STEP 2

THE ROLL OUT

In step two we begin selling a master pair of pants. The master set comes with regular pants and a set of 1 inch slices. The bottom of every pair of pants and every set of slices has a row of Top Secret Patent Pending Proprietary Grommets. Think hospital bracelet fasteners, only machine washable, hypoallergenic and comfy on the skin.

In the jeans section look for the ubiquitous Point Of Purchase stand, displaying 2 packs of jeans slices. We are talking collectible pants here.

Why its important. Personalized slices, school uniforms, team colors, stylized, and even licensing opportunities exist for these pants. The possibilities like the pants legs are virtually endless.  Having another outlet to express yourself is always valuable. But more than that. We can change the planet. 

Almost 2 billion pairs of jeans are produced a year. The water consumption, dyes and toxicity to the environment is monumental. Denim itself, according to the EPA takes up nearly 5 percent off all landfill space and It takes almost 2,000 gallons of water to grow the cotton for 1 pair of jeans. Thats more than 10 times the amount of water we each drink in a year.

OUR PANTS DRINK MORE THAN WE DO!

What's more, would you believe the average pair of jeans is discarded after being worn just 7 times. So environmentally there is a genuine need for a pants product that encourages lasting wear. Sliced pants would create the ambience for a shift in wearability. We would go from a society that says, "your pants are too small, get new ones" to "How long can you keep your pants on!"

It would be fun, to see how long you could maintain a pair.

And it would instill in our youth the value of sustainability. It would be like wearing the equivalent of mixed carpet tiles or investing in solar panels.

As you grow up, you add a slice. The taller you grow, the more slices you add, ripped or fringy bottoms, just change out the slice. Need a new style, new look? Pants slices cost just a fraction of an entire pair of pants. Waste less, spend less, last longer and win.

STEP 3

Stop looking at your kids ankles!

Allowing your kids to grow with their pants in fun , interesting and collectible ways is good for the environment, great for the wallet and wonderful for the self esteem of our growing youth who long so dearly to fit in and stand out at the same time.

So of course, I ran this idea by my growing teenager. "Hey Bud, would you wear pants that look like this, I could sew slices into the highwater ones you're wearing now?" I asked  leaning over my shoulders, he wrapped his arms lovingly around my neck and said "ohh heck no, no way, not ever, what's wrong with you mom?" We laughed. We silently thanked his dad and step mom for purchasing new pants that fit him. I sighed relief. While I was eager to sew pants slices to the bottom of his pants, it really is the wrong way to roll out this new fashion....you can't just be the first guy to show up to school wearing bell bottoms or platform shoes or pleather or a chain wallet without context..no no.. the world isn't ready yet...The plan has not yet been enacted. 

I have drawn the conclusion: That he may be the last of his generation to decline this new way of dressing. He hasn't yet been subjected to the brainwashing of Phase One. The media hasn't taught him what is good, and cool, and hot and necessary about these pants. But when they do, I believe SlicedPants™ will be the best thing since sliced bread.

If you would like to pay me to Stop talking about SlicedPants™ or continue talking about SlicedPants™ Venmo@ED-HOSE 

If you would like to invest in the design, manufacturing, or purchase of these SlicedPants™. Serious inquiry can be made at www.edhose.com