SLATHER, PAT & BURN: The things we do for butter.

I am addicted to Power. And by power, I mean electricity. A day and a half without electricity and I am officially jonesing. Electricity withdrawal is real and unsettling. Symptoms range from repeatedly reaching for a dead mobile phone, turning on light switches to no avail, and attempting to Google “how to survive a power outage” but Google is unavailable because your internet is out. 

 I am not saying that my arrival in Virginia stimulated a sudden blizzard. But I did get here and the snow really put on a show, if it was trying to impress me, it certainly did with 10 inches clinging to the porch rail. . But do not fret my friends, I survived  a night of mild inconvenience. I might be a homesteader now, living off the land. One night without power and It’s suddenly Little House on the Prairie. Here is what I learned. 

Should you be ever snowed in and epically unprepared for a power outage, without flashlights or candles but somehow rich in butter, this worked unexpectedly well. 

I remembered seeing something on the internet that I frequent when I have power. Something about making emergency candles out of Crisco and crayons. But we are staying in a half empty rental house that contains only the few things we brought to it. There is not so much as a junk drawer. No batteries or rubber bands to MacGyver into something. Short of burning the banister there really isn’t a lot to work with. 

With very spotty phone service I called people, and lost the call and called back and lost it and called again until I could piece together how to make a candle from a stick of butter. 

I was so shocked this worked. 

I cut sticks of butter in half with the wrapper on. Taking a skewer I poked a hole down the center of the stick all the way thru  the wax paper at the bottom  and  then swirled it around, widening the hole enough for the wick. 

For the wick I used toilet paper. I took a square and on the diagonal I rolled a joint. Wait who said that. No, I rolled a twisty tight wick and using a toothpick to shove it down the hole leaving 1/4 inch sticking out over the surface. It’s kinda hard to get in the hole. Think men who drink too much whisky. 

I feel like Yentl.

DO NOT ATTEMPT WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION!

A little difficult to lite. I was thankful for our long lighter used to light the gas stove.( Also  thankful for the gas stove!) 

Sometimes the wick needed to be lit a few times. 

I was amazed at how long toilet paper took to burn. I imagined it would just flutter up to the sky like when you burn the wings of fairies. 

BEWARE : This is not a candle you can leave unattended. Not for an instant, it can grow wild very quickly. It needs the attention you would give a campfire inside a baby daycare. 

The stick of  butter itself burns down in about an hour and a half. You are then left with a plate of burning butter. A plate of butter will burn like a Hanukkah miracle! The toilet paper wick, now saturated in butter burns and burns and burns. I am certain the little bit of heat put off by the flaming butter plate kept us warm. 

I used a fork to tap down the wrapper edges when they caught aflame, and they do and they 

will. 

This is important, to contain your buttercandle place it on a plate with a shallow dip or lip. The melted butter will pool around it so make sure the candle is centered . An uncentered  candle could easily tip over and light the whole neighborhood on fire. 

I tried many vessels of course use what you have but the ramekin was difficult to tend to. I preferred a plate but often wished I had like a Hurricane glass to go around it. Trying not to light myself on fire was a full time job. 

The best thing anout the butter candle is the soft sputtery bubbling crackle. It’s like a mini campfire and it feels cozy. It’s a nice thing to concentrate on when the rest of the night falls still and silent. 

We went thru 7 candles that lasted from 5pm until 11pm. To honor the Butter Gods. I made an Apple Brown Betty on the gas stovetop. Sliced apples. Oatmeal, chopped pecans, sugar. Too much butter, spices . Even with butter light it’s still hard to cook in the almost dark. So I am not certain what all I put in there. 

I Have Drawn The Conclusion: I owe butter an apology for all the judgement I point in its direction. It has tuned out to be a pretty great friend and save the day! 

*disclamer: Seriously pretty hazardous, this is a legal disclaimer telling you not to light butter on fire just in case you try it and things go bad. This is very legally, law stuff. Don’t sue me. 

** Please do not burn any fairy wings. they hate it and they take weeks to grow back.