The Guide Book of Extinct Humans : Box Check

    When I was a little girl, I thought I was going to be a famous artist, I loved to sign my art with my initials. Eventually ED became a nickname and I loved the way it made me feel scrappy and tough like Pepper in the musical Annie. I felt strong and adorable. I loved the coziness I felt when someone called me by my nickname. I loved the surprise face that greeted me when someone discovered I was a girl. So when I got married (to a man) and changed my last name to Hose, I decided to legally change my first name as well, and became ED full time! There are three things I did not consider when changing my name to ED.

1. I did not realize it was the established abbreviation for Erectile Dysfunction…. what girl wouldn’t love being associated with that?

2. I did not realize it was the established abbreviation for Eating Disorder. This is so ironic, because my most prevailing dysfunction is the Binge Eating Disorder that I have struggled with from the age of 5. So basically I named myself my actual biggest problem. As in, Eating Disorder is my name….Great. 

3. I had no concept 40 years ago when I thought ED is the best cutest nickname ,or even when legally changing  it, what was coming around the corner. Never could have predicted that transgendered people...who make up around .6 percent of the world population would become center stage, or that the conversation around Gender identity would become a fight turning into a war. 

 

So Here I am, A girl named ED HOSE. I am no longer married, I built my business on my weird name, and now I compulsively introduce myself like this 

“ Hi My name is ED, but I’m a Girl” 

The response I get to that varies from uncomfortable chuckle, to roaring laughter, to people saying “That’s obvious” to an immediate eye dart to my crotch, to my breasts, to my chin hair. 

But the majority of people say “ oh that’s ok” as if I was apologizing? I am not. But I appreciate it. Most people display the best characteristics of humanity that is they want to assure me they are ok with who I am. Isn’t that the sweetest, that regardless of how they feel about gender identity or how they think they feel..their gut reaction when confronted face to face with an outlier is “That's ok!”

I want to talk about the LGBTQ+ community because it is under attack. If one of us is not safe, none of us are safe.

Even though I don’t really identify with any of the letters. I am not a Lesbian ( unless I have had to much wine ), I am not Gay( but I have nothing against Butt stuff) I am not Bi ( except for boarding school) l am not Transgender ( although I did cut off half of my breasts,

I no longer have a uterus, I am missing an ovary and I haven't shaved my legs in a year ) 

I Don’t call myself Queer, (but other people might, or definitely do even if they are not talking about my gender)

If I identify myself as anything, it is an Artist. And sometimes fat. 

Because I don’t identify as LGBTQ+ I feel like I don’t really have a right to speak on the subject. I consider myself an ally, but I don’t really know what it means in my body to feel gay or different in this particular way.

It feels inappropriate for me to talk about something I don’t know a lot about. I often tangle up pronouns and get confused between the definitions of  sexuality and gender and biology and all of that. I am not an expert. I believe we are all on a spectrum and I believe we are all made of the same stuff, I believe we are as much a part of each other as we are separate from each other, and for those reasons I have agency to say, I think that this administration is wrong about Sex and Gender and Very wrong about how they are dealing with people on this spectrum.  

I think the proclamation that “the United States only recognizes two sexes, male and female.”  is flawed and dangerous. And I think using the infinitesimal issue of trans women in sports and prisons to create policy banning trans people under the guise of keeping women safe is the most uniformed rhetoric.  The white house website has an entire section dedicated to Defending women from Gender Ideology.

This is NOT what women need to be protected from. 

We can not think for a moment that removing trans women from being able to live their lives creates any safety for other women.   The threat to women is not an anecdotal story,

or a fear of a guy …in a dress… in a bathroom. This is performative “protecting” at best, and systematic dismantling of human rights and dignity at worst.

 

Women are not safe this is true. But the biggest threat to their lives is heart disease.  The biggest threat to their freedom is and has always been throughout history straight men. Most notably their own spouses. 

If you care about women you give them access to the healthcare they need. You fund studies to prevent them from dying in childbirth, you don’t punish them for miscarriages, you keep the government out of their pants. Defend their right to care for themselves, maybe you offer some sort of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion programs to ensure they are being paid fairly and hired even if they have periods. The masquerade that trans women are a threat to women is not based in any reality other than our mild discomfort that they walk better in heels than the rest of us. 

I think it is very normal to feel uncomfortable with something you don’t often see, and I think it is normal to be afraid of something you have been misinformed about.

Hate, disgust, fear, dislike are ways we protect ourselves.. 

If you are feeling any of that…I think that is a natural response and you need not feel ashamed. However, Hate, disgust and fear are low level stepping stones. They are not destinations. If you are standing on the stepping stone of hating a person you can take another step. You do not have to stay there.

For some reason we have started equating things that change as being hypocritical. But all things change. Growing means change. You can think trans women don’t deserve rights and then you can learn about them and change your mind, this is what you are supposed to do. Learn more and grow. ( You may have to believe in evolution to see the importance of that) 

But You can not stay in the place of hate without damaging yourself and the world around you.

Whatever we dislike in another person, Is usually something we don’t like in ourselves. I have found this to be true during every step of my life. Every negative judgement I have about people, is a reflection of something I am uncomfortable with. 

I try not to spew hatred, I try not to speak poorly. People will often mistake that for a kindness. The truth is, I don’t want to tell on myself. I don’t want to say “ I hate this or that” because I don’t want you to know what I don't like about myself. If my hatred comes from fear, or misunderstanding. I don’t want to reveal that either, I don’t want to out my fears and ignorance. It’s embarrassing 

 This is how I view hate, and why I feel a little embarrassed by it. And I am shocked to find People are just constantly exposing themselves to me.   

When I hear someone say they don’t like gay people, all I hear is how uncomfortable they are with their own selves. When I hear someone say they hate liberals, I think “ oh man, I wonder how they must have suffered for expressing themselves in ways divergent from their environment. Did someone yell at them for loving the “ wrong person” or were they shamed for doing something that is deemed unacceptable? Trying on their mothers shoes? acting too girly? were they beaten for shedding tears? 

I am not bashing men, I love men, and I think straight men are in peril,  as evidence: all the wars, led by zero women. I think men have been brainwashed to believe that they need to act manly , they need to win, take no prisoners, show no weakness. They are shamed for being soft, or showing emotion. Human fucking emotion. I want to know what happened and tell them their secret is safe with me.  Maybe they are afraid or confused about their feelings and experiences, that is why the most important combatant of hate is storytelling. And why men must move forward on the stepping stones of self exploration.

Asking questions and hearing the stories behind the things we hate is one way we can break down our prejudices.

Since we are talking about Gender, now is the obvious time to mention that I Hate Overpriced yard sales. I loathe them and I begrudge the people who have them, i judge them as greedy, miserly and obnoxious . However, when I discover you have suffered a tragedy,or I learn you are selling things to pay for a trip or a car  or raising money to help someone, or trying to save for any just cause,  my hatred is obliterated. The moment I understand the circumstance I want to help. Amazing right, that I could go from burning down your Yardsale signs under the cover of darkness to being your number one supporter. I will pay double for everything, that’s quite a transformation. Oh stories are so beautiful at healing.

I have two practices.

1. The idea that when I hate something in someone else it almost always has more to do with me than them.

2. The idea that defensiveness is a beacon guiding me towards what I most need to work on…I also love to talk about the value of defensiveness, because it is one of the few things you can not deny, without proving it. “No way , I am not defensive” …ok, calm down buddy.

I wanted to share these practices so that you could hold them in your hands and smooth your fingers over them like worry stones. So that you might have a tool to reflect on your own feelings. 

I chose Alok Vaid-Menon  for this drawing in “ The Guidebook of Extinct Humans ” A collection of illustrations celebrating the humans that I fear this government would like to eliminate. I am compiling it for future generations, so they may know what diversity once was. 

     I chose Alok  because I think they represent a wonderful example of someone people can look at and instantly…. not understand. And to not understand them is tragic. Truly .  There are rare messengers, prophets of peace, christs on the earth, who have wisdom and knowledge beyond anything we have heard before. They are polarizing and brave and they walk hand in hand with terror, every day, for the possibility of existing as they are.  And they do it for you. Because when you see Alok and your whole body boils in rage and you scream “ They are disgusting, that is  a man in a dress” and you shield your children and you call them “it’, and you punch them in the face because they upset your gaze. You are missing out on the possibility of extraordinary transformation. They can show you the inane insanity that gender roles traditionally conform to, and open your mind to the possibility of play and color and creativity. 

With humor and a perspective so clear you will wonder how it is you never saw life the way they do. Maybe you have been holding in your own interests and predilections, maybe you have been too afraid to be pretty,too afraid to play, too afraid of what someone else thinks. Alok is paving that path for you, in the same way Katherine Hepburn wore pants, and Mildred and Richard Loving dared to love each other. 

You might not see them that way. 

I must confess, the first time I saw Alok I had judgments. I didn’t know what to make of them, I wondered why anyone would call attention to themselves that much, I didn’t see the value in it. 

The more I watched and read, the more comfortable I became with their eye-opening wildness, my judgement faded, and was replaced with solid admiration. 

Alok makes me think. Stretches my brain, I am filled with gratitude for that. “ You think I look absurd?” They say “ What’s absurd is a world that genders inanimate objects and emotions”  …I had never looked at it that way. Maybe I had in the sense that we give dolls to girls and trucks to boys, and I tried half heartedly to give my kids the opportunity to gravitate towards what appealed to them. But did I ever consider the preposterousness of a purse being female and a truck being male. I accepted that they were. I never questioned it. But why?

We are on this space rock and then we die and no one knows why. All we really know is how we feel. We only know our own experience, this is why in talking about any subject, I relate it back to myself.  

If I am talking about you, it is my experience of you.  And let me tell you something about me. I trust you. I may not trust you around my valuables, I may not trust that you won’t hurt me. If I met you on a dating app, I  don’t trust that you have given me your real name unless you show me your ID, and that is why I card all suitors at the door. I don’t trust you will call me tomorrow, until you do. 

When I say I trust you, It is this one thing I trust. 

I trust when you tell me how you feel. 

When someone says they feel tired, I believe them.

When they say I’m hungry, I believe them.

When they say they feel attracted to the same gender and always have and that they also want to have a good life and the same freedoms as anyone else. 

I believe them, 

When they say they feel like they are in the wrong body, and that they also want to have a good life and the same freedoms as anyone else.  I believe them.

When they say they want to wear makeup and a beard and drive a truck. and that they also want to have a good life and the same freedoms as anyone else. I believe them.

      I have Drawn The Conclusion : "I hear you friend, I believe you, I trust you and what can I do to help you live your dreams?" Is something as allies, we must say to every human fighting the battle to simply be who they are. And to everyone who opposes them we must remind them over and over how much we are the same. How much the world Needs Alok, How much it needs all of us to be our best selves. How we all have the right to a good life and the same freedoms as each other. We must remind them that only what is good enough for all of us, will do.

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Thank for reading this compilation of thoughts from the past week, If you would like to see more or support my art especially my art for giving, please consider subscribing to my patreon  

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